The other day a friend told me how much I reminded her of a character on a TV show. Though said character is rather funny and pretty (naturally) I couldn't help but take slight offense to this compliment.
Back in 2002, when I worked at Anasazi I was introduced to the Arbinger Institute philosophy "The Choice", which basically states that you have the ability to choose your way of being. Since that time, I have had a great awareness of my ability to choose and even a sense of pride in this and in my originality. Therefore, being compared to someone else who is a social icon made me fear that others would think that I am actually trying to be like this character as a way to express and/or define myself. Why would something like this bother me so much? Well, our culture and more specifically our media dictates so much about who we are externally - what we eat, how we dress, how we wear our hair and make up, our language-slang and accents, our modes of transportation, etc. but what about our internal selves?
I often think about my thoughts - why I am thinking them and where they came from. In doing this I like to think that these thoughts are purely my own. I usually consider what I do and say before doing and saying them because I am repulsed by taking action simply based on the fact that others are doing it. This is not easy as we as humans learn by example and we seem to mimic by nature, but generally I think I do pretty well with this. It's not to say that I don't follow cultural mores, norms, and trends - I just like to do it consciously, I like to know why I am following them.
So, after receiving this "compliment", I started to notice sayings, behaviors and such from our media that I was in fact mimicking unconsciously. With this unpleasant realization I was inspired to examine myself on an even deeper level - making me aware of the possibility that none of my thoughts are original. Of course it is me thinking them, but my mind has been filled with ideas that aren't mine since birth - how am I ever supposed to know the difference? It was in this moment of confusion and realization that I had a sudden sense of envy for the mother of all, Eve.
What would it be like to take this world in with out the influence of others?! To decide what to wear with out any influence of fashion. What to eat with out anyone else dictating what tastes good or what is healthy. (OK, there may have been ONE time where she was influenced on this one) To create art or music with no influence from others. To make sense of the elements of this planet. To view yourself as a female with out the centuries of bias and the objectification of women. To contemplate what is important in this life with out the ideas and philosophies of all those who came before you.. to truly decide these things for yourself. What would it be like!?
The thought is overwhelming and exciting all at the same time. Ironically, Eve had no choice but to choose all these things for herself. I am in awe thinking about what a different experience of this life she had than I am experiencing. Though I am satisfied with my life and I love many of the amenities and creations that we have now that she didn't, I can't help but feel a tinge of jealousy for the life she had.. especially when I think about how she got to roam around this world naked.
